Testimony
| "I am the voice of one calling from the desert, make straight the path for the coming of the Lord." John 1:23 |
Testimony of Michael Payne
Written: September 7, 2005
The following is the life and testimony of Michael Payne and will tell of the deliverance of the LORD JESUS
CHRIST in the life of Michael Payne.
All glory to the LORD JESUS!
I was born August 17, 1950 in Washington, D.C. to a farmer and his wife, a teacher. They were hard working
blue-collar workers who did their best in their eyes to raise myself and my sister as honest, hardworking
citizens.
We were all expected to contribute to the chores of the family and to do these things in a reliable manner. We
were brought up not to complain but to press in and get the job done. We were taught to love and respect our
elders and our country, to give a helping hand to those who needed it, and not to depend on others to carry us.
We were taught to live by the Ten Commandments in a secular way but we were not raised in a house that
worshiped the LORD or that acknowledged GOD.
I was an average student through school. Education was emphasized as the way out of poverty and the reward
would be an easier life than our parents had during their growing up which was during the ‘great depression.’
Even during high school my mind was on girls and Friday-Saturday night drinking--not on school. I maintained
good enough grades and good SAT test scores to be accepted into VPI’s Engineering College in Blacksburg.
I had started drinking beer every Friday and Saturday night on a steady basis at the age of 16, most every
time driving home drunk. By the grace of GOD I never had a serious accident, hurt anyone else in a vehicle or
was ticketed for drunken driving.
I left for college September 1968 and by January 1970 I had been placed on academic probation for poor
grades. In college, my mind was even more distracted by partying and girls. During this time I was
approached by my roommate and asked if I would like to participate in the purchase of an ounce of marijuana.
I was thrilled to be included and willingly accepted the bait. That was the beginning of a 30 year habit of ‘pot
addiction.’
I had decided if it came to being drafted I would enlist either in the Air Force or the Navy. I called the draft
board the first of May and was told I would be drafted the next month so I enlisted in the Air Force. Sure
enough, my draft number [157] came due in June 1970. Off I went to Lackland AFB, Texas, madly in love with
a young woman I had met in a bar in Maryland. I could hardly concentrate on anything other than to moon over
whether she would be true and if she would marry me. We were eventually married August 31, 1970.
I got out of basic training in July. I was sent to tech-school training in Illinois and was then based in Columbus,
Ohio at Lockbourne AFB.
Drinking was the center of our socializing and the central part of our entertainment. I will speak mostly of
myself but we were a young, immature and extremely ill-prepared couple expecting our life to be like ‘Beaver
Cleaver.’ What a surprise we had coming.
I served my military time in the U.S., not assigned to Vietnam; a place I was terrified I would be sent. I
believed if that was where I was sent, I would be killed there. The spirit of fear was very much at work in me;
you see I read a lot of what went on there in Life and LOOK magazines. The stories of the Green Beret, the
regular army and their battles, and the horrors of war, literally planted a spirit of fear in me.
In 1974 I was discharged from active duty. I went back to my pre-service job of operating heavy machinery. I
was again back to working hard, drinking hard, spending all that I earned and trying to provide for a wife and a
son who was now 2 years old. Married life was always in limbo. I had no peace, always trying to please my
immature wife, my immature self and trying to live a lie about what would bring joy into our lives and marriage.
I worked the same construction job that my father was foreman of. On the way home one day he made the
comment about how he should have opened a ‘butcher shop in Loudoun County.’ I was very discontent with my
job, with the area that I lived in, and the limited opportunities for my life on that bulldozer. I convinced him to
back this adventure and off we went into the “Country Butcher” meat shop.
I now had a new business, no business experience, no meat cutting experience; only the attitude that by
working hard I would be hugely successful, have a happy wife, provide well for my family, be respected by all in
the community, and achieve self-worth through materialism. That was another lie of the devil for I never did
achieve any long-lasting wealth, happiness either for my wife or myself and only fleeting respect. Alcohol,
drugs, adultery and a home devoid of JESUS is a sure fire recipe for disaster.
I drank alcohol from the time I was 16, started smoking pot at 19, was separated from my wife at the age of 25,
was committing adultery at 26 and gambling heavily at the age of 27. At the age of 32 a friend and I had gone
to get something to drink at my store and he asked “do you want to try this” as he pulled out a bag of cocaine.
I again said sure, loving the idea of being included in something that was forbidden.
By the next 6 months I was not only hooked on coke, I was buying an ounce of it every 2 weeks. At first I was
fronting the cost and cutting it to sell and pay for my expanding habit which soon hit 3-4 grams a day. I would
not sleep for 3 days or so at a time because of the speed effect it had. I was drinking a fifth of Jack Daniels a
day to cool off the speed effects of the drug and chasing the proverbial ‘ high’ of euphoria--which never returns
for the addict. Praise GOD for HIS mercy and grace!!!!!!!!!
I became so paranoid from the use of the drug that I carried a 357 magnum at all times. I was in a state
dangerous to all around me for I became suspicious very easily. I saw shadows in my vehicle and heard noises
in the attic of my house. Exploring each of these with a loaded pistol in my hand “knowing” somebody was
there.
I would make my son [11yrs old] play video games in the other room out of my way so that I could snort coke
and drink Jack Daniels and water on ice until I could get him in bed. Then I would continue this cutting the
drug, snorting it until I could not breathe through my nose. My youngest son was still an infant and my wife was
an airline hostess so she was gone most of the time. I was alone and running wild. “Sex, drugs and rock and
roll”, these were the things that I thought would bring me happiness and the peace that I so desperately
wanted. I was driven by the desperation in my heart to fill that GOD-shaped void which only HE can fill; it was
overwhelming.
Both of our lives were filled with countless adulteries. There have been more adulteries in my life than I can
even remember. I have tried to count the different women many times. It is easily over 50. [I am not boasting
of this only demonstrating how out of control I was]. The morning after, I would awake filled with guilt from the
one-night stands, as the drugs and the alcohol would wear off. Agonizing over what to do and how to achieve
the same again or how to cleanse myself of the guilt and the pain.
Never was there any peace.
Then during the mid ‘80s’ here came the Vietnam movies none of which were edifying to the men and women
who served in Vietnam. With these movies came guilt for me, a form of survivor guilt, for I had not gone to
Vietnam and had even maneuvered my way around serving over there during the war.
I was filled with guilt and the “spirit of suicide” started to get stronger and stronger. I would sit and drink,
smoke pot and watch these movies and be so ridden with guilt that I would cry and contemplate killing myself.
Praise GOD even though I did not know HIM at that time, HE redirected me from suicide.
In 1986 when I came home one night after stopping at my favorite watering hole, I came into the house and my
wife starts to yell at me. I went into the bedroom, packed a box of clothes and went to a hotel room. She moved
out 3 days later. That was the start of what I thought would be happiness but only the slide into more sin and
pain. Now I could run and sin at will without having to hide or answer to her.
I started going around with the woman that I had been in an adulterous relationship with. I started thinking I
was serious about her. Then one day I caught her snorting coke, which the LORD had delivered me out of 3
years before and I became angry. I told her she had to go. I was tired of her and ready to move on to another
one. I now had my excuse to be rid of her. Within 2 weeks I met the next woman in my life, as always, in a bar.
Same routine: drink, dance, party and commit fornication. I became very serious about this one. I was now not
doing coke and had my gambling under a more respectable looking control. NOT. I was running a little bookie
operation. I had figured out how to beat the system, I thought. I would take their bets and then bet the
opposite on the big games. Trouble was I could not restrain myself to only those games. I was greedy.
Still things looked to be improving in my life. I was building paper wealth, my business was booming and I was
buying a couple of good pieces of property. I was the picture of prosperity. The woman I had started to live
with and I got married in 1988 after my divorce from my first wife. Then things again started to change with all
kinds of arguments inflamed by alcohol, jealousy, suspicion, immaturity and insecurity.
This one brought violence into the house, going off into a rage over what I would see as very minor and even
non-existing things. She would go into a rage and start slapping and striking me with her fists. One night when
we were drinking this started and I slapped back. It ended immediately and I thought there would be no more
physical violence out of her. I was wrong for it was not long. This meant that I would now be carried into
physical confrontations on many instances, sometimes with pretty serious consequences.
We subjected our children who were a blended family, to an abusive, alcoholic and drug infected atmosphere,
which did lasting damage in different degrees to each of them. My 2 boys still wear these scars in some degree
to this day though the LORD JESUS is healing them Praise GOD. I am sure that her children also bear scars.
We had police showing up and me being hauled off, only once to jail, but always out of the house. This would
lead to the both of us then again running the bars and committing adultery, vowing that we were done with each
other and seeing if we could find someone as a replacement for the other one. This cycle went on until 1999.
I was told it was my drinking that caused all of our problems. I had come to a point that something had to
change, for my life was filled with pain. My wife was gone and as always looking to replace me. My business
was failing and my children were fed up with me, my broken promises, and lies. It was all coming to an end.
Praise JESUS!
I went to get a physical and the doctor whom did not know me asked me some questions in his office. As he
asked these questions I started to weep in the chair uncontrollably. He was not a therapist, but wrote me a
prescription for Paxil for depression. I was hopeless and did not have the energy to rebuild my life. I was
contemplating suicide.
I took Paxil for a week and threw them away. I was in despair. I quit drinking and pleaded with my wife to
come back home. After she tired of her life style in the bars she came back. The peace lasted a week or so.
I had decided to turn to the Bible. I started reading an old King James version starting in Genesis. All I can
say is, this was mighty hard reading but I praise the SPIRIT that had started to draw me. My wife and I
reunited and for a short time there was peace. Then right back to her friends.
The violence started as she again wanted me to give her her freedom. I was being punched and struck with
objects but no longer fighting back because now I was no longer drinking. The HOLY SPIRIT was drawing on
me and HE was affecting me even before I came to JESUS as my LORD and SAVIOR. Again I praise HIS
name for HIS grace and mercy.
It had become so violent and hopeless that I found a house in the country and one Saturday I moved out, all of
this without telling my wife. I did not tell her because that would have caused her to erupt even though she was
demanding that I be gone. I was so broken that I could not function without a medication called Xanex. I moved
and decided that I would now start reading the Bible and that I would have that peace in my life that I had
never known.
From that day JESUS’ hand was on me. I went to church the next day. The first time I had ever gone looking
for this thing called GOD. HE met me there that day at UM Church of Stumptown. The pastor said something
that hit me between the spiritual eyes. She said ‘if you do not know JESUS as your LORD and SAVIOR, you
will not go to Heaven, you will go to hell.’ I did not say anything at that point for I thought that all you needed
to do was be able to spell the word god and you would be saved. The one thing I did was go home and start
reading to check that out. Praise GOD again for HE is faithful. HE gave me a hungering and thirsting for HIS
word. All I did was read the Bible when I had spare time. I would read until I fell asleep and then I would just
wake up at 3 or 4 a.m. and read until I went to work at 6:30. HE kept bringing people into my life and giving me
the place in scripture that not only gave me answers but answered questions I did not know enough to ask.
On December 17, 1999 in a time of despair and distress which lasted for a couple of weeks, contemplating
suicide, the LORD JESUS CHRIST came into my life that night as I sat there on that wood floor and gave my
life to HIM. I did not know what had happened to me. I had a joy in my heart from that point on until this day,
which has only grown deeper. I did not care that I had hardly any money or that I was in an old rundown
farmhouse alone. I had peace and joy in my life like never before.
1 Tim 1:12-17
I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his
service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because
I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith
and love that are in Christ Jesus.
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-of
whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ
Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive
eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever.
Amen.
I had been blessed with a child-like faith. I believed GOD’s word. Whatever it said is what I believed and still
believe. GOD gave me the gift to put myself in every situation in the Bible as HE would see appropriate for my
situation, to teach me. This is the GOD, the LORD JESUS, who saved my life and gave me a purpose to live.
I had failed at everything I thought would bring me success and joy. Now I had all I needed to live a life of
peace and eternal life with JESUS.
One week after being saved I was on the way to work, praising HIS name when I was filled with the HOLY
GHOST as HE came into my life with HIS power. Two months later JESUS showed me that I would be on
radio based upon 3 things in my life.
· if I was humble
· if I was obedient to HIM
· if I was transparent about my life both past and present day
for the glory of JESUS CHRIST so that others would see that there was hope for all who would but turn to
JESUS as their LORD and SAVIOR.
One year later almost to the week I hosted a radio program named ‘Take A Stand’ which the LORD gave me
to minister on a small secular station and to train me for what HE would bring next in short order. It was
glorifying the name of JESUS.
Then barely 3 months later the LORD gave me a job managing a small Christian radio station in Frederick,
Maryland, called WJTM. Is GOD awesome or what!!!!!!!!!
I do not want you to think that after I came to CHRIST all in my life has been rosy. It has all been filled with a
joy and peace beyond understanding through the strength, hope and the love of JESUS in my life. The LORD
is doing a mighty work in my life, in the lives of my sons and of my family.
Though there have been challenges there has always been the knowledge since I came to JESUS that
whatever the trial--if I kept my eyes on JESUS, I would come through it in victory.
HE has shown me time and again that it is not by my power or might but by the SPIRIT of GOD that I would
have victory and joy in every situation.
JESUS is everything to me and everything else is secondary. I praise JESUS for all that HE does and the
guidance through all situations. JESUS is the one I follow and the ONE that I seek to be like in all my ways,
by HIS grace.
I will spend the rest of my life and all eternity glorifying the name of YESHUA and none othe; telling people
of the saving and healing power of JESUS--for there is no hope anywhere but in HIM.
Eph 6:19-20
Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known
the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I
should.
I want to give all praise to JESUS for completely delivering me from the bondages of alcohol, drugs, gambling,
adultery, anger and rage, and the spirit of rejection; the place of low self-esteem, because my life had come to
failure. My second marriage was falling apart, my two sons could not tolerate me, and my business was failing.
There was no place to go and at my lowest point when I was contemplating suicide, the LORD reached out to
me and beckoned me. HE showed me a ray of LIGHT and HOPE and then I gave my life to JESUS in
desperation. I have never in my entire life been so filled with joy and peace in my heart even in the times of
trial since then.
I know beyond all human understanding that the LORD JESUS will never leave me or forsake me for that is
HIS promise and HE has proven it to me multiple times since December 17, 1999. I love JESUS with all my
heart and soul and I so want to show HIM to any who does not know HIM as LORD and SAVIOR. JESUS
died upon the cross not because HE had to but because HE loved us so much.
We thank YOU for YOUR love JESUS.
I need to stress that I am not a recovering alcoholic, drug addict, gambler or adulterer, I am set free of all
these things through the power of the LORD JESUS and the WORD. I am a new creation in JESUS CHRIST.
The old has been set aside for the new through CHRIST. I do not wrestle with those former bondages and I do
not suffer that awful depression and hopelessness any longer for JESUS has given me ‘eternal hope.’
The LORD has shown me that I am to go any place that HE sends me to witness HIS salvation message and
the hope of JESUS CHRIST to the lost or to those who would hear of the power of the HOLY SPIRIT that is
available to those of us ‘who but believe in the name of JESUS the MESSIAH.’
Since I have received JESUS as my SAVIOR and LORD, I have managed a Christian radio station, been to
Iraq 3 times embedded in the 1st Cavalry, gone to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba and Israel as an embedded reporter
with the Israeli Army to bring back the truth. I have since gone on another trip into Iraq to embed with the 4th
Infantry Division, again as a Christian Radio reporter.
If the LORD would lead you to allow me to come and speak witness of the things that JESUS has done in my
life you may reach me at the below address.
Michael Payne
Take A Stand Media Ministries
P.O. Box 1721
Winchester, Va. 22604
703-819-7492
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